Relationship Books

by Jennifer Kelton

I did a search on Amazon.com for relationship books and came up with 400,847 results. Everything from How to Be an Adult in a Relationship to The DNA of Relationships. Just take a walk down the relationship book aisle at the bookstore, and you’ll see it’s jam-packed with so many ideas, perspectives and lifestyle choices – a reminder of how we are all seeking some kind of magical nugget of information that will transform our lives.

I just so happen to be in that relationship book statistic. In 2006, I published a book called Don’t Use My Sweater Like a Towel. (Okay, shameless plug). I, too, have joined the ranks of an oversaturated market of relationship books. It’s been a life-long dream of mine to compete with Dr. Phil for shelf space at Barnes & Noble. Okay, I’m kidding, but….

I published my relationship book with the hope that I may just have that magic piece of wisdom that will transform someone’s life for the best.

After a breakup in 2005, I did what I usually do: hit Amazon.com and the local Borders bookstore, looking for new inspiring words of hope, guidance and advice from the pens and minds of the self-proclaimed experts. It was then at 39 years old I looked out on the sea of relationship books and felt even more depressed. How did we get here? How did I get here? And, why are some of these books about being single written by people who are not single and are married with kids as their bio states on the cover? How can they help me, a single woman who’s not ready to mingle?

The other day, I did my first major TV interview for ABC to promote my relationship book. My publicist told me that she and the producer of the network’s show had planned for it to be a funny five minute segment take on men and women. I was thrilled to have this opportunity, and there are a lot of funny real-life situations in my relationship book. So, this was a non-issue, and I was genuinely looking forward to the interview – it being my first major TV spot.

The midday news anchor had another plan and, clearly, had not read my book. He even told me he “had only skimmed through it and just received it not long before we went live.” In retrospect, I’m not even sure if he has ever read a relationship book on dating and mating. Later that afternoon when I get back to my office, I was curious about the anchor man, and I looked up his profile online. I was not shocked to see that he has been married with kids for a long time, so he had no real point of reference to the 21st Century’s dating trenches. That helped me to make sense of the interview.

I think that, in the end, we all seek the same thing – whether single or married – and that is the need to have companionship, to feel loved and to feel safe. That said, the anchor man went for my jugular as all he saw was sex with a capital S during the twelve months where I documented my dating life for my book. It was clear to me that I was undoubtedly a sinner in his eyes. It was an interesting experience, and one I won’t soon forget.

When I wrote my relationship book, I had pure intentions. Foremost was that I would not sugar coat anything and would tell it raw and real, so people who read the book would resonate with it. Most of the relationship books I have read have had a lot of what to do, what not to do, what to say and what not to say. I purposely stayed away from that with the sincere belief that we all have the answers inside ourselves. The main goal behind my relationship book was to kick-start your thinking. (Okay, another shameless plug). If I had to narrow it down to one bit of advice, I’d say the best thing to do is buy my book – okay, I’m kidding. The best thing to do is have respect for yourself, respect for others and respect for the world around you.